He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
