you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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