I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
