hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
