oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
