So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
