Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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