I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
