the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize