she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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