I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
