i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize