I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
