you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
