Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
