I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
