the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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