guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
