he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
