Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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