you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
