I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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