You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
