I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
