Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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