I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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