Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
