Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
