my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
