we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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