I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
