My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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