look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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