I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
