1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
