oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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