i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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