My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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