someone threw a dead crab at me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
