it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
