I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will be naked everywhere
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
