NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
