I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
