You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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