Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
