i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize