And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
