I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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