new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
