It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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