Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize