i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
