I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
