You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
