i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
