I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize