shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
