i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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