Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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