i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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