The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
