Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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