uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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