I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
