Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
