haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
