its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
