She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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