yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
