He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
