I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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