Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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